Today is world mental health day, so I figured it would only be right to tell my story of it.
I’ve struggled with issues since I was 12, they have been on and off for the last 8 years of my life and let me tell you guys now. It’s awful. A lot of books and tv shows and films have taken to showing depression as a quirky trait that disappears after a girl or guy falls in love with you because of it. Sadly this is not true, even after moving in with my partner I still struggle and to be honest when someone loves you despite your struggles it is hard. For both you and your partner. You are scared to talk about it in case you worry your partner, and your partner always has the thought in the back of their head like what happens when they’re left alone?
You attempt to hide your self-harm, your mood swings, your attempts at damaging everything around you which leads to more lies and more anger and more sadness. Talking to a partner about your mental illness can be tough, but you have to remember they love you for you, they are meant to love you despite and for everything you do even when it gets difficult.
This year I tried to kill myself again. I had been prescribed sedatives from my doctor and I took 5x the highest dose. It’s never as pretty as it looks on films with the guy swooping in and hugging you till you feel better. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. The worst part is I don’t remember a lot of it. I remember the feeling of being in a wheelchair, I remember having to have an ECG done because my heart rate was through the roof, and I remember having blood tests to make sure I hadn’t damaged my liver.
This wasn’t my first rodeo, but this was the worst I had been. But luckily I had friends and a partner who was there for me, who willed for me to open up more. Although some of the things I had hidden in my brain weren’t fun for them to hear and were in plain truth difficult for them, they still listened. They still cared.
Do you wanna know why? Because I am me. I am not my illness.
Yes, I am still depressed sadly even with help that’s something I have to overcome myself, but with their support, I feel stronger and more able to begin my journey of recovery.
A strong support circle makes a massive difference in your life if you use it. Don’t be afraid to reach out. Don’t be afraid to be honest. Don’t be afraid to be ill. Nothing lasts forever, as human brings our natural instinct is to survive. So first we must do that so we can be able to live.
If you’re not ready to talk to your friends or family but you are ready to talk, here are some organisations who are there to help.
Samaritans phone number-
116 123 (UK)
116 123 (ROI)
Childline (0800 1111) runs a helpline for children and young people in the UK. Calls are free and the number won’t show up on your phone bill.
PAPYRUS (0800 068 41 41) is a voluntary organisation supporting teenagers and young adults who are feeling suicidal.
Depression Alliance is a charity for people with depression. It doesn’t have a helpline, but offers a wide range of useful resources and links to other relevant information.
Students Against Depression is a website for students who are depressed, have a low mood or are having suicidal thoughts.
Bullying UK is a website for both children and adults affected by bullying.